The help Hospice gives

One woman sees death in a new light

By Jessica Shaw

Nancy Leonard watched her mother die.

They were alone that Thursday night as she hovered over the 88-year-old human frame that lay motionless in bed. What just happened? Was she really dead? The body was in front of her, but it looked empty.

Leonard knew her mother was dead, but she didn't want to believe it. She had watched her mother, Betty Wickersham, live in a coma for two weeks without food or water. She could feel her clinging to the last threads of life. Her mother had survived a stroke eight years ago. She had never fully recovered.

Leonard felt angry in the minutes after her mother left her -- not at anyone in particular, but angry that a human life had just ended, and the world carried on like nothing had happened.

The next morning, the mailman would arrive on schedule. The television would continue spouting routine programs. Even the food, the fireflies and the flowers her mother cherished were all unfazed.

Then it hit her. This was the end. No more walks in the garden outside the house in the woods at Rockbridge Baths. No more diapers. No more scenic drives in the Honda Civic through Goshen Pass. No more hours of reading "Harry Potter" aloud when they ran out of things to talk about. The eight-year journey with her mother after the stroke was finally complete.

That was Sept. 13, 2001. While the nation was experiencing the shock of 9-11,  Leonard was in another place.

Instead of grief, a wave of relief and peace washed over her. The process the world defines as depressing and tragic seemed quite the opposite. The death of her mother had been a beautifully powerful experience.

Leonard reflected on all the advice the workers and volunteers from Rockbridge Area Hospice had given her. They had been there to change the sheets, to read to her mother, to give Leonard a break.

The kind-hearted staff had prepared her physically and emotionally for the dying process. They told her about what they called "spirit guides" that many dying people see. They described the journey that dying people start preparing for in their minds.

She felt thankful that she didn't have to go through it alone. She didn't understand how other people experienced death without Hospice.

Learning to grieve

The sadness didn't set in right away. For a while, Leonard thought she was recovering well. Then she began forgetting to do things, and didn't understand why.

One day the phone rang. It was a bereavement counselor from Hospice.

Leonard wasn't prepared to talk just yet. She convinced herself that she knew how to grieve alone. She tried to believe she was tough.

But after awhile, she gave in. She spoke with the counselor on the phone and visited the Hospice office a few times. They listened to her, and her grief began to feel normal.

She understood why nobody should cope with death alone.

Giving back

After a year, she decided she wanted to get involved in the organization that helped her so much in her mother's final stages. But after arriving at Hospice, she realized she wasn't ready for the training.

She worked in the office for another year until she felt prepared. It was a while, though, before she felt comfortable seeing her first patient.

It wasn't easy. The patient suffered from Alzheimer's disease, so every visit felt like the first one. It was challenging to hold a conversation. The woman couldn't remember sentences from just seconds earlier. She easily slipped into deep sleep when Leonard read to her.

Leonard's second patient quickly succumbed to stress-related dementia and often acted hostile.  She lived only three weeks after she was enrolled in Hospice

Leonard, now 64 years old, has yet to experience the bond that other volunteers seem to establish with their patients, but she is determined to keep trying. She plans to undergo training for a new Hospice program called the Eleventh Hour that sends a team of volunteers to a patient's house in the last few days or hours of life to help the family with the transition.

A new perspective

After experiencing Hospice as both a recipient and a volunteer, Leonard has begun to view the entire process in a new light. It isn't terrifying or depressing, as it might seem to young people. Instead, she sees it as a tender, loving environment with a sense of openness.

She wishes families would seek Hospice services sooner. She believes in the process of walking the patient and family through the last six months of life.

She has learned that hospice gives families a way to celebrate life instead of clinging to medical treatments that have slim chances of success.

She believes families should choose a greater quality of life — the large and small pleasures of daily living; the love and joys of family relationships — and live those to the fullest.

She also feels that the emotional year leading up to her mother's death has helped her come to grips with the idea of death itself.  It has become a concept she no longer fears. 

She wouldn't have traded that year for anything in the world.

Produced by Washington and Lee journalism students.

Lead Supervisor:     
Prof. Brian Richardson
Prof. Phylissa Mitchell

Reporting supervisors:
Prof. Doug Cumming
Prof. Pamela Luecke

Technical supervisor: Michael Todd